I'm just kidding, I won't be giving you 2,269 reasons but I will give you
some musings from the last day or two. You see every now and then I find myself
checking up on people from my past. Friends, family members and exes that I
haven't thought about or heard from in some time.
Well of course, good old trusty Facebook with the "On this day"
feature popped up with some timely reminders of a trip to Greece a lifetime
ago. A trip with my ex who featured within this blog and one that went down in
history as being both awesome and probably one of those trips where there were
some serious red flags that I didn't see despite being right in front of me.
When those memories pop up, most of the time I find myself thinking,
"Oh that was such a fun time", "What a trip" or something
equally positive. I inevitably see a picture of me and my ex together and then
I immediately think, "I wonder how he is?” I've never wished him bad and I
only ever hoped that he'd find his happiness as I've found mine. The more that
I've discovered that my life is exactly what I'd always hoped it would be, the
more I appreciate how wrong we were for each other. A hindsight that sometimes
only time and distance can bring.
So once I've had that thought, I usually pop on over to my trusty social
media channels and have a look-see. And what did I see yesterday when I looked?
A lifestyle full of wanderlust, itchy feet, international adventures and
generally the kinds of travel that professional travel writers don't even get
to experience in their lifetime.
My ex is living his dream and despite not knowing what else was happening in
his world and knowing full well what a picture on social media is worth in as
far as depicting your mental state (it doesn't), your true wealth (it can
never), whatever reality you're living (impossible to do with one picture and
one handy dandy hashtag) and most importantly your authentic happiness (only
you will ever know that).
I do hope he is happy though. I have never held any ill will towards him. I
would never invite him into my life again in any capacity and I'm happy that he
seems to be living the life he always dreamt of and envied others doing.
Most importantly for my own sense of satisfaction, I would prefer my
suburban family lifestyle over some crazy travelling nomad’s lifestyle any day.
The fact that six years on he is still travelling all over the globe and
according to social media, loving it, tells me yet again that I did the right
thing for me but also for him in deciding to leave.
I was talking to a friend over lunch and we were discussing how miserable he
would have been had he gone along with my dream. But I have to say, I would
have been equally miserable travelling the globe any longer than my three years
of doing so. For me it was a phase in my life that I by no means regret. For
him it was a lifestyle choice. That's the difference between us though and when
it comes down to it, fundamental differences like lifestyle and what your
definition of happiness is can make or break a relationship.
I look at my husband, three children, two dogs, and the modest three bedroom
home we live in and I feel like the richest, happiest person on the planet. I
have everything I ever hoped for and I'm happy. Being happy is my ultimate goal
in life and I am. Of course there are tough times, challenging times and times
when it's all a bit much. But I've never regretted anything about the life I
live today and I especially don't regret leaving the relationship that this
blog was about.
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