2269 Reasons never to wonder "What if...?"

I'm just kidding, I won't be giving you 2,269 reasons but I will give you some musings from the last day or two. You see every now and then I find myself checking up on people from my past. Friends, family members and exes that I haven't thought about or heard from in some time.

Well of course, good old trusty Facebook with the "On this day" feature popped up with some timely reminders of a trip to Greece a lifetime ago. A trip with my ex who featured within this blog and one that went down in history as being both awesome and probably one of those trips where there were some serious red flags that I didn't see despite being right in front of me.

When those memories pop up, most of the time I find myself thinking, "Oh that was such a fun time", "What a trip" or something equally positive. I inevitably see a picture of me and my ex together and then I immediately think, "I wonder how he is?” I've never wished him bad and I only ever hoped that he'd find his happiness as I've found mine. The more that I've discovered that my life is exactly what I'd always hoped it would be, the more I appreciate how wrong we were for each other. A hindsight that sometimes only time and distance can bring.

So once I've had that thought, I usually pop on over to my trusty social media channels and have a look-see. And what did I see yesterday when I looked? A lifestyle full of wanderlust, itchy feet, international adventures and generally the kinds of travel that professional travel writers don't even get to experience in their lifetime.

My ex is living his dream and despite not knowing what else was happening in his world and knowing full well what a picture on social media is worth in as far as depicting your mental state (it doesn't), your true wealth (it can never), whatever reality you're living (impossible to do with one picture and one handy dandy hashtag) and most importantly your authentic happiness (only you will ever know that).

I do hope he is happy though. I have never held any ill will towards him. I would never invite him into my life again in any capacity and I'm happy that he seems to be living the life he always dreamt of and envied others doing.

Most importantly for my own sense of satisfaction, I would prefer my suburban family lifestyle over some crazy travelling nomad’s lifestyle any day. The fact that six years on he is still travelling all over the globe and according to social media, loving it, tells me yet again that I did the right thing for me but also for him in deciding to leave.

I was talking to a friend over lunch and we were discussing how miserable he would have been had he gone along with my dream. But I have to say, I would have been equally miserable travelling the globe any longer than my three years of doing so. For me it was a phase in my life that I by no means regret. For him it was a lifestyle choice. That's the difference between us though and when it comes down to it, fundamental differences like lifestyle and what your definition of happiness is can make or break a relationship.

I look at my husband, three children, two dogs, and the modest three bedroom home we live in and I feel like the richest, happiest person on the planet. I have everything I ever hoped for and I'm happy. Being happy is my ultimate goal in life and I am. Of course there are tough times, challenging times and times when it's all a bit much. But I've never regretted anything about the life I live today and I especially don't regret leaving the relationship that this blog was about.

2,192 Days Later... A lifetime lived in such a short time

I actually can't believe that I'm writing this update on the six year anniversary of my decision to leave. Six years on and still I am thankful every single day that I made that decision. Never looking back and wondering "what if?", never holding any regret or sorrow of that loss.

Where am I now?

I married a wonderful man last August who has taken my girls on as his own. We knew each other before the girls were conceived but it didn't get romantic until the girls were about 10 months old. It's not all roses all the time, but gee it's wonderful to have a relationship that is constantly evolving in a positive direction for the most part. Like most couples, we have our set backs. But we use those opportunities to grow as people, as a couple and to move forward together stronger than before.

We bought a house early last year, we fell pregnant around the same time and I was offered a part time job that worked in perfectly with our family. We had our son in December and our girls are turning three this October and they are still the light of my life  We rescued two dogs, one early last year and one earlier this year and our family is now pretty full and complete.

Life has changed a lot for me and every year at this time I get a little reflective on life in general and find myself celebrating the years since I left. I share my experience with others and still get the occassional comment via the blog about how someone else was helped by my story.

This is a short update, but one to say that I'm doing well.