Question
When the subject of intimacy comes up between you and your partner, is there generally a battle over what intimacy is and how to get it?
My answer
Confession time. I haven't ever really thought about what I consider to be intimacy. It's not something I've ever really had to think about or analyse in this respect before. I've actually had to just google it because I am totally lost with this question, here is the definition I found:
in·ti·ma·cy
Now, from reading this definition, I would say that my partner's definition of intimacy would be sex. Our sex life has dwindled in recent times, and is something that I don't feel like spending time on too much these days. My partner must view this as his idea of intimacy because he's been saying that he hasn't felt loved. Not to mention the actual conversations that we've had about lack of sex.
So, what do I see as intimacy? What I've found from googling it is that it's hard to define, it's something that only you and those who experience intimacy with you know. I think that intimacy for me is for someone to know the warts and all version of me and to love me regardless. I think that sharing innermost thoughts, fears and emotions shows intimacy. I honestly don't have an answer to this question because I am not sure if I have experienced true intimacy with my partner.
Even now, stuck continents away from each other, he's telling me that he doesn't like me writing my emotions down (which is why this blog is anonymous). I've been too afraid of his response to share my true feelings about marriage with him. I probably haven't been as honest with myself or him over the years because of various things that have occurred or been said that have altered the way I approach a situation. I have moulded myself to feedback that he's given me over time and now I haven't been true to myself.
Quick take
If getting close drives you apart, you can never get close.
My prognosis
What I know from my answer, my quest for happiness that I'm on is that I have to start taking more of a stand for what I want, including coming to a compromise as to what we think intimacy is and how we can show it to each other.
When the subject of intimacy comes up between you and your partner, is there generally a battle over what intimacy is and how to get it?
My answer
Confession time. I haven't ever really thought about what I consider to be intimacy. It's not something I've ever really had to think about or analyse in this respect before. I've actually had to just google it because I am totally lost with this question, here is the definition I found:
in·ti·ma·cy
noun /ˈintəməsē/ intimacies, plural
|
Now, from reading this definition, I would say that my partner's definition of intimacy would be sex. Our sex life has dwindled in recent times, and is something that I don't feel like spending time on too much these days. My partner must view this as his idea of intimacy because he's been saying that he hasn't felt loved. Not to mention the actual conversations that we've had about lack of sex.
So, what do I see as intimacy? What I've found from googling it is that it's hard to define, it's something that only you and those who experience intimacy with you know. I think that intimacy for me is for someone to know the warts and all version of me and to love me regardless. I think that sharing innermost thoughts, fears and emotions shows intimacy. I honestly don't have an answer to this question because I am not sure if I have experienced true intimacy with my partner.
Even now, stuck continents away from each other, he's telling me that he doesn't like me writing my emotions down (which is why this blog is anonymous). I've been too afraid of his response to share my true feelings about marriage with him. I probably haven't been as honest with myself or him over the years because of various things that have occurred or been said that have altered the way I approach a situation. I have moulded myself to feedback that he's given me over time and now I haven't been true to myself.
Quick take
If getting close drives you apart, you can never get close.
My prognosis
What I know from my answer, my quest for happiness that I'm on is that I have to start taking more of a stand for what I want, including coming to a compromise as to what we think intimacy is and how we can show it to each other.
1 comment:
The 'sex = love' logic has been used on me. Now I'm a little older and wiser I recognise this as emotional manipulation from someone who is very insecure. Sex won't cure their insecurity, it only lets them temporarily forget it. Making you responsible for forgetting their insecurities is unhealthy, it doesn't solve anything.
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