Sex
Yes we don't have very much of it. For me, my sex drive has been non-existent. Sometimes if I do feel like it, then my partner isn't on the same page. We don't have a lot of time for sex – in the evenings my partner gets home late, we cook dinner and then we will either watch TV, surf the net or play computer games.
I have been struggling with my attraction to my partner because sometimes he isn't nice to me and it makes me feel useless. I feel like he pushes me to do exercise and get fit and healthy, and although he's seen me do it, he doesn't seem to feel motivated to look good for me.
When he mentions the lack of sex (which has been very regularly), especially when he uses it as an excuse for delaying babies (i.e. if we don't have enough sex, how are we meant to have a relationship that's good enough to have children), it makes me feel even less like having it.
I don't feel like he's supported me very much through this pretty major slump in our sexual relationship, even though I have really tried to open myself up to the issues at hand, and the way that I'm feeling.
I think that everything else relates back to sex, or lack thereof.
Where to after London
I feel like, my partner is driving the decision making process as to where we go after London. It was his need originally to travel that lead us to London, we have lived in shared housing (which I think has impacted on our relationship even more), we have travelled a lot (which sometimes puts a strain on my financial position) and now that I want something (to visit my sister's home town to see if we might like it to live there), he seems to be dead against it – and then he says things like that I haven't considered him, and then he doesn't listen when I tell him what my thoughts were behind me wanting to make that move.
Melbourne – It was his real want/need to move to Melbourne. I can go along with any plan willingly and with enthusiasm because it means that I can imagine what life would be life, I can fantasise about our future there. But deep down I want to be close to our friends and family.
Brisbane – It is where I call home really. All of our friends are there, or near there. We have a lot of job contacts there.
Asia – I don't want to go anywhere else to live before going home. I want to be in Australia for very specific reasons and I don't see the positive points of living in Hong Kong, Dubai or Singapore. If I'd seemed enthusiastic about this previously, it is because it's something different, and because my sister wasn't pregnant at that time. I encouraged him to find work in any of these places, but asked him to consider my position in this process because of the visa restrictions. He said that I make things up to suit the purpose, however he never applied for any roles, never had any realistic job offers on the table, and if he wanted it so badly, we could have found various ways around this issue.
Christmas
I want to be near my sister as she is due. I don't think that it's too much to ask that he spends Christmas with me there as it's going to be near impossible for my sister to travel to anywhere else, being almost due.
Conclusions
We talked through all of the topics in one way or another. I said that I wanted to find a way to make it work. And then a few days later, we talked again and agreed some goals:
And then I found the book. So here comes the blog that you've all been waiting for - Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - practical application!
Yes we don't have very much of it. For me, my sex drive has been non-existent. Sometimes if I do feel like it, then my partner isn't on the same page. We don't have a lot of time for sex – in the evenings my partner gets home late, we cook dinner and then we will either watch TV, surf the net or play computer games.
I have been struggling with my attraction to my partner because sometimes he isn't nice to me and it makes me feel useless. I feel like he pushes me to do exercise and get fit and healthy, and although he's seen me do it, he doesn't seem to feel motivated to look good for me.
When he mentions the lack of sex (which has been very regularly), especially when he uses it as an excuse for delaying babies (i.e. if we don't have enough sex, how are we meant to have a relationship that's good enough to have children), it makes me feel even less like having it.
I don't feel like he's supported me very much through this pretty major slump in our sexual relationship, even though I have really tried to open myself up to the issues at hand, and the way that I'm feeling.
I think that everything else relates back to sex, or lack thereof.
Where to after London
I feel like, my partner is driving the decision making process as to where we go after London. It was his need originally to travel that lead us to London, we have lived in shared housing (which I think has impacted on our relationship even more), we have travelled a lot (which sometimes puts a strain on my financial position) and now that I want something (to visit my sister's home town to see if we might like it to live there), he seems to be dead against it – and then he says things like that I haven't considered him, and then he doesn't listen when I tell him what my thoughts were behind me wanting to make that move.
Melbourne – It was his real want/need to move to Melbourne. I can go along with any plan willingly and with enthusiasm because it means that I can imagine what life would be life, I can fantasise about our future there. But deep down I want to be close to our friends and family.
Brisbane – It is where I call home really. All of our friends are there, or near there. We have a lot of job contacts there.
Asia – I don't want to go anywhere else to live before going home. I want to be in Australia for very specific reasons and I don't see the positive points of living in Hong Kong, Dubai or Singapore. If I'd seemed enthusiastic about this previously, it is because it's something different, and because my sister wasn't pregnant at that time. I encouraged him to find work in any of these places, but asked him to consider my position in this process because of the visa restrictions. He said that I make things up to suit the purpose, however he never applied for any roles, never had any realistic job offers on the table, and if he wanted it so badly, we could have found various ways around this issue.
Christmas
I want to be near my sister as she is due. I don't think that it's too much to ask that he spends Christmas with me there as it's going to be near impossible for my sister to travel to anywhere else, being almost due.
Conclusions
We talked through all of the topics in one way or another. I said that I wanted to find a way to make it work. And then a few days later, we talked again and agreed some goals:
- To go on a date night once a week, where we alternate who organises and pays for it.
- To make an effort to communicate more effectively, so that he tries to avoid offending or hurting me and I try to alert him to it in a sensitive fashion if he does.
And then I found the book. So here comes the blog that you've all been waiting for - Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - practical application!
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