Excercise

When I first read this book, I didn't fully participate in this exercise because I truly wasn't sure of what I wanted to do. I felt like completing this exercise would be a betrayal to my relationship. Now, having had almost two weeks away from my partner, and having had a really relaxing break hanging out with my sister and her husband, I think I can commit to this exercise.

The following is an exercise that the author asks you to complete prior to continuing to the next questions:

Things I look forward to in my new life when I think about leaving

This is something that I think I have been thinking about for a while as a self-defence mechanism. For a long time now, I have finally recognised, I was scared of the future without my partner. However having taken the time away from him and London, I can see clearly that our relationship isn't perfect, and even more clearly that it's not as scary as I think if my decision is finally to leave this relationship.

Things that I look forward to are:

1. Getting my own place, possibly sharing with one or two other like-minded, considerate people.

Is this true?

This is a reality, and one that I would like to have if I did leave.

Is this likely?

Very likely. No matter where I end up in the world, I can get a share house/my own unit or home or any other place to live.

What else is possible?

One day I might be able to save up for my own home.

What is most likely?

If I was to leave, I might stay with family or friends in the short term, but eventually I could live on my own again very easily.

2. Unpacking all of my belongings and making a home (because most of the household things that are currently packed up in storage are actually things that I purchased, knowing that if I asked my partner to contribute, that he would say that we didn't need these things, so I felt guilty for asking him to pay. We own three things together jointly in Australia - 1. A sofa that his mum is currently using in our absence, 2. The coffee table and 3, The TV unit. In the UK, everything is jointly owned, but of no great consequence (such as the computer that my company technically owns, a desk, some drawers and misc. tables, etc)).

Is this true?

Yes.

Is this likely?

Yes.

What else is possible?

I could buy my own belongings to compliment those that I have already.

What is most likely?

I would like having all of my belongings around me again.

3. Dating again (yes this appears below too, but I am an eternal romantic, so the idea of dating without consequence is appealing from that point of view).

Is this true?

After a while, I would make friends, start dating and playing sport. So yes.

Is this likely?

It would have to be as most of our friends are couple friends.

What else is possible?

I could meet someone more like-minded and committed to me.

What is most likely?

I will be on my own for a while, meeting new people, maybe dating here and there. I might get a dog and make a life that I'm happy, confident and better within.

4. Getting to know myself, be accountable to only me and to become happy again in my own skin.

Is this true?

It will have to be, there won't be any distractions!

Is this likely?

As above.

What else is possible?

I find a person that I'm truly happy to be and will be more confident in myself going forward.

What is most likely?

That I will force myself to be a better person and to contribute more fully to all of my relationships going forward.

5. Travelling alone (This trip has made me see that I can do anything that I set my mind to, it would be nice to travel from place to place, working for my company and still earning money as I go!).

Is this true?

Whilst it will be a little bit scary to begin with, I think I will like taking trips on my own.

Is this likely?

Mostly likely as I won't really have a choice.

What else is possible?

I could discover that I like travelling on my own.

What is most likely?

That I will take some trips on my own, but will eventually want to share the experience with other people again. 

Things I’m afraid of in my new life that make me think about staying. 

This is more difficult. Overall I have become less scared of moving away, because I didn't want fear or guilt to keep me in the relationship alone. I am afraid though of:

1. Realising that I made the biggest mistake of my life (although I have to question why that could be if I am so truly confused about this situation still).

Is this true?

I don't really think it will be if that's the decision I come to.

Is this likely?

If I make the decision, then I think that I will have put every possibility onto the table in order to make it, so I don't think that I will have many regrets.

What else is possible?

That I realise that I made the best decision of my life.

What is most likely?

I truly don't know, and won't until I'm there. It's a tricky and emotional situation.

2. Getting rejected whilst dating again.

Is this true?

More than likely, I'm a very emotive person and sometimes others don't understand that, especially men.

Is this likely?

More than likely for sure. It's happened in the past and I'm sure it will happen again.

What else is possible?

That I find someone special who treats me well in every way and that wants to have an equal, loving and respectful relationship with me.

What is most likely?

I will get hurt here and there, but at least I'll be living the life that will be true to myself.

3. I'll feel really guilty about leaving .

Is this true?

I already do when I think about leaving, but if I make the decision, it won't be make lightly, so I think I'll be happy with it.

Is this likely?

I think it is going to be something that I feel guilty about for a long time.

What else is possible?

That I quickly realise that the decision I made was the best one for me, and despite having to hurt others in making it, I had to be true to my needs first.

What is most likely?

I will hurt my partner with the decision, I will feel sad, but I think that if this is the decision that I make, then I will be stronger for it.

4. Not finding someone who I'll have as much fun as I did in the early days with my partner.

Is this true?

It might be if I have made the decision for the wrong reasons.

Is this likely?

I'd like to think that it won't be based on the fact that I've been thinking about little else for the past month or more.

What else is possible?

I can move on with my life in other ways, build a great group of friends, get a dog, meet new people who will make me laugh and provide me with fun times.

What is most likely?

I'm not sure about what is most likely, but I would like to hope that there is someone out there for me that has similar thoughts and approaches to the world and who is my soul mate. I know that being in bad relationship would be worse than being on my own for the rest of my life, which is highly unlikely.

5. Having my partner take my belongings/for me to let him have things because I feel bad.
Is this true?
I would like to think the best of him. But I don't think he realises how little he actually has without me.

Is this likely?

It is going to be difficult as most of our things are either boxed up together or stored together. Getting them from his mum's place will be an obstacle. Especially given that he will be hurting and she won't want him to hurt and may lash out because of it.

What else is possible?

That I get everything back, that I realise that I don't want anything.

What is most likely?

That I will get my things and will realise that I don't want to keep some of it anyway.

6. Not having the financial security of my partner to back me up if I get into trouble.
Is this true?
Yes in that he provides it.

Is this likely?

No in that I'm truly reliant on it.

What else is possible?

That I become more motivated to succeed because I'm on my own and have to be responsible to myself.

What is most likely?

That I'll become more cautious and answerable on the area of finances.